I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
