Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He passed out mid-signature
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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