i already hear my dad disowning me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
