It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
