rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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