Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
