We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize