Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
