they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
