Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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