Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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