I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
