Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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