is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
