make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
