I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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