my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
