hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
