It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My vagina is officially offended.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
