she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
