I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
she looked like the before picture.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
pop tarts are not kleenex
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
