I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
