God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
