fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
