I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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