I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
