one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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