I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
