If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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