Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
