last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
