hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
