are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
