Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
