i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
whose parrot is this?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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