I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
