Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
