So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
