i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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