whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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