I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
