god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
