Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
