I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
