I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
