You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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