I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
