I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So much rum. So many feels.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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