I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
