You really coming over, don't trick.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
