one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
