I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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